Help! I'm in the UK and I need divorce advice

Divorce is always painful, especially if it comes after bitter courtroom battles. But you can avoid a lot of pain by hiring the right divorce solicitor. This may not be easy. There are many legal offices and many solicitors. Finding the right one, therefore, requires time and effort. Here is a step-by-step guide.


Make a shortlist

First, shortlist solicitors who specialise in divorce and family law. Ask friends and relatives for their recommendations. Next, get in touch with professional associations such as the Resolution (formerly Solicitor’s Family Law Association) and the Children Panel (if you have children) and ask for a list of their members. You can also pick from the solicitors listed in the Community Legal Service of the Citizens Advice Bureau database. Finally, and as a last resort, you may also scan the Yellow Pages.


Discuss, check, identify the best

Now zero in on one solicitor who you think would be just right for you. Visit or call the solicitors on your shortlist, take appointments with each and discuss with each the details of your case. Ask questions and try to assess who appears to be the most knowledgeable, competent and trustworthy. Usually, your initial discussions with the solicitors will be free of charge. So, make good use of them.
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Look at track record

If you think in your case the divorce part would be easy but disputes may arise regarding child custody, go for a solicitor who has won difficult child custody cases in the past. Similarly, if you think proving adultery or infidelity would be critical in your case, pick a solicitor who has a successful track record in similar cases.


Know about all services

Through your interviews try to find out the entire range of services provided by each solicitor. Often a divorce case may affect businesses and trusts. In that case pick a solicitor who can provide mediation and related services. If there is something unique about your divorce, look for a solicitor with a family law specialization.

To verify this, check for affiliations – whether the solicitor is a member of the SLFA Specialist Accreditation Scheme or of the Law Society’s Family Law Panel, an organisation whose members have a verified deep knowledge of family law.


Check out fees and costs

Always make it a point to fully understand the fee structure of the person or firm you are hiring. Larger firms have prepared brochures listing their services, payment terms and appropriate charges. Read these thoroughly and ask questions to clarify all doubts. Be frank about your budget and your needs. Don’t lose simply because you ended up being in a situation where you were unable to bear the costs of litigation any more.


Go with your gut feeling

While there are no fixed rules to determine who would be the best solicitor for you, often a surprisingly good indicator is to go by gut feeling. If you can trust somebody and are confident of his/her abilities, go ahead and hire him or her. But if in meeting the individual you find yourself questioning their abilities, move on. Family law is a bar primarily focused on negotiation and personal relations, so if you do not like the individual, chances are they will not perform up to par.


Selecting an excellent solicitor will mean not only that will you not have to worry about falling into a legal trap, but further, it will give you confidence and knowledge as to how your case will play out.

How to avoid divorce

Every marriage hits a rough spot occasionally. And while not every marriage should attempt to be salvaged, a great many more than are saved today should and can be through concerted efforts. So, the first step in avoiding divorce is recognizing that the fact that you have come to this point in your relationship is not unusual, but it does indicate that something must change if it is to survive. But before you go through a mental litany of everything that needs to change as justification for giving up, realize that there is help out there and if you are willing to put in the time and commitment, you can make your marriage work even when it seems that you and your partner have reached the end of the road.


Marriage Counselling

Marriage counselling can be a very effective instrument in putting a marriage that seems to be going down the divorce path back onto the right track. Counselling helps couples to identify the root of their marital problems and solve them with a little help from a professional counsellor trained in mediation. Finding an effective marriage counsellor, however, requires a bit of work on your part. Many counsellors will offer a free consultation. Ask for recommendations from friends, but in part you should call 10 or so counsellors, ask for their price packages ahead of time and then schedule consultations with the 3 or 4 that meet your pricing needs. Make sure that when you go into these consultations you grade the effectiveness on how BOTH you and your spouse feel about the individual.


Self Help

There are also many self-help tools available in the market today. There are some excellent books and articles on how to make marriages work, how to re-ignite the spark in a relationship and how a few simple steps can bring back the love in a relationship that had turned hateful. Both partners can get a lot of inspiration, advice and ideas on how to make relationships work from such books and articles. You can even find help when you think there is infidelity in your marriage. There are books and articles out there, which tell you why people cheat or stray out of line and what you can do about it.


The common thread in all of these self help guides is communication and understanding. By making an effort to understand where your spouse is coming from, and them where you are, and then making compromises and communicating, most marital problems will become alleviated.


Resorts

Then there are many resorts that are specially designed to create an ambience which is conducive to romance. These vacation packages are easy to find and require only that you be on the look out. The point of these resorts is to reinvigorate a relationship by introducing some of the passion and spontaneity that over time can be watered down by obligations and daily responsibilities. These events attempt to eliminate outside stresses so that you can focus on your spouse, and in so doing rekindle the love you feel for one another.


All in all, if you are willing to put in your best efforts to stop your marriage from slipping away, there is now help at hand and you need not have to fight alone. By utilizing the tools of counsellors, self help and resorts you can go a long way to giving your marriage the best chance for survival. But beyond survival, these tools can help ensure you a happy lifelong relationship.